If you need a babysitter in Spain, try a bull. Bring your infant to the empty Plaza de Toros on a jealous lover's alcohol night. Bulls won't assault babies. Baby mustn't wear a cape.

Bull

In Africa, I've seen several lions. A brave guy captures a lion to watch over a child. Some claim a lion shouldn't sleep close to a toddler because they'll misbehave. Cowards.

Lion

I may not be an expert on everything, but I do know this: an elephant can hold a baby's bottle just as well as it can store a man's secrets.

Elephant

Man hunts some birds and keeps others as pets. Parrots make great pets. Leave your youngster with this bird if you need to write in a café. Parrots can teach babies to talk. Parrots can teach babies to fly. .

Parrot

Some believe it's nice to imagine a horse caring for a child. As a young guy in Paris, I went to the races. Just when I trusted one of these things, it would let me down. Don't leave a baby with a horse.

Horse

A howling monkey would be a great choice for a nanny. Both the child with colic and the monkey will cry until they are exhausted, at which point they will both fall asleep.

Monkey

People say, "How could you leave a baby with a leopard?" A night-awake animal can monitor a waking child. A leopard will ensure you're not interrupted when writing.

Leopard

When F. Puss couldn't watch Bumby, I found a polydactyl cat. Its huge paws can comfort a sobbing youngster, making it a good babysitter. I wish a cat could make a Daiquiri after putting a baby to bed.

A six-toed cat

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